I have to say how totally odd it felt driving this morning, back in Dubai, without scanning the side of the road for wildlife! Yes we are back, and alive enough to tell the tail! Having seen quite a few tails attached to some pretty amazing game! We used Wagon Trials for the trip! I would highly recommend them to anyone! We would certainly use them again! So, until our next one..... View the Itinerary

It all started in true form - a night out at an all you can eat and drink place here in Dubai, we fell onto the plane and woke in Johannesburg with major hangovers. Walking through the arrival doors of JNB Airport, hands firmly clasped on pockets containing wallets and passports in fear of having them stolen, to be met by the Hilton Driver and insisting of course, not to go to the car but to go outside and have a cigarette!

Straight by the pool for our first game of scrabble where we were burned to buggerey and consequently remained sore for the rest of our trip! The South African sunshine, as cool as it felt (in comparison to Dubai in August) was just a little too strong! But not to be deterred by the peeling skin, we were there the following day - will we ever learn?

Day three, sun not out. What to do? Best go and see Johannesburg we thought! So it was off the local shopping center, where we sat down, ate lunch and saw they did Sangria! Four Jugs later and we were rolling, no passer by managed to walk past without us passing some remark as to how imperfect they were - after all, in our drunken state, we were just that - perfect!

So that was Johannesburg over and done with, it was time to go to the Backpackers (nice), which we had prolonged for quite a while! Of course, they were to collect us from the Hilton. We waited outside the main doors, with our two massive bags. (Now I guess you are visualizing two backpacks - but Oh no, as if I didn't learn from Bolivia, this time, not a wheelie bag, but bright red Samsonite bags, and I mean BIG!).

Into the old VW bus with a load of hippies, we just laughed at everything, we were still pissed on all the Sangria! Arrived at the backpackers, seasoned travelers unloading their small backpacks (well they were all on 36 week overlanders) as we dragged our big red Samsonite bags right to the end of the house, where we decided we had definitely done the wrong thing! We sorted everything into one bag, leaving nasal hair removers, cufflinks, 4 pairs of shoes and other none essentials for a 9-day camping trip in one big red Samsonite bag!

A 5am start the following morning, heading off to Kruger National Park (KNP)with our fellow travelers for the next few days. Sandra(A Columbian Australian) her husband Mario (El-Salvadorian Australian) Erin (your everyday mental Californian under therapy) and Tom (Chinese American), oh how we rolled our eyes as we all piled into the van! However we soon discovered that Sandra, Mario, Erin and Tom all turned out to be excellent fun and we shall remain friends for a very long time! (Missing you all already guys well not you Erin!)

The first stop was some old gold mining town! It was then we all realized we were going to get on; we all got back into the van wondering why we had actually stopped! It was just a sleepy little town for tourists. We soon told Dev this and he realized that we were not your conventional tourists looking for culture - not that Erin had any in the first place! Dev, the South African guide, was superb, a real laugh and made the trip awesome!

Driving through mountain ranges, which I did not know existed, then onto "God's Window, amazing, but the 6 of us pilled out, had a quick look, took pictures and got back into the van and continued our conversation about plastic surgery or the importance of how you pack shopping in a trolley - we were going to get on great! Unaffected by the total beauty of South Africa we put the world to right and it was decided that toilet roll is cheaper in England than anywhere else in the world! (You can imagine!)

Firsts nights' camp! Not a tent, but in huts made of shit! Literally! Justin was none too pleased but did look funny lying in his sleeping bag on a hard floor scared shitless! This was after a night of dancing over a fire with local tribesmen. Well I say local tribesmen! They were about as local as I am Polish! They had just hidden their Levi's and shinny new cars rather well if you ask me! Never the less interesting to find out how they used to live - not! Like we cared, we were here for wildlife and stamps in our passports!

After a shower under an old hose pipe surrounded with bamboo canes and a hearty breakfast at 5am of chicory (some kind of coffee apparently), dried bread, melted margarine, soggy cereal with none refrigerated milk it was off to our first game drive!

Cheaters a plenty with African Wild Dog, Wild Boar, and other stuff seen it was onto the Big Five in KNP.

Now, when you see your first ever Impala you get fairly excited, then you see another, and another and another then a few more. There markings lead you to believe they have the letter M shaped on their buttocks, how appropriate, as they were as common as MacDonald's after all. Giraffe, Elephants, and many more, this as was supposed to be the best place in Southern Africa to view Game. This was where we discovered that of the group I could belch the loudest - see I said we were going to get on. Belching as we turned our heads from side to side to see what we could find in the bushes and openings.

Onto a night game drive, in open top Landrovers with huge spotlights on either side. Viewing your first ever Lion in captivity is something else, two of them, just sitting watching us watching them! More Impala's, where we couldn't even be bothered to stop yet alone take pictures of them! A few of the nocturnal species were seen and it was back to base camp 0 for the night! During the evening, apparently the security guards were killing a Mozambican Spitting Cobra! We never heard anything; the noise of the Lesser Spotted Snoring Monster in Justin's tent drowned the noise!

The following morning, as we drove out of the campsite, we were face to face (more or less) with our first Rhino. Just there, right in front of us! Imagining how it could have easily charged us right there and then, we would not have stood a chance! Moving on, past more Impala (Boring) Giraffe, Elephants and more Impala we then commented how well the van was running (we had fixed a new starter motor to it the previous day!) then, that was it - the bugger broke down on us - again.

So the six of us sat there as Dev went back to the camp to get help! Now, there is something just not right, sitting in a van, in scorching heat, surrounded by dangerous animals that could soon have charged us at any given moment. After, quickly pointing left (or right) as soon as we saw another car coming, and pretending to take photographs, making other cars stop close by us, stare into the wilderness - at nothing, we soon got bored. Thank God for Travel Scrabble! So there we were, close to death (or the possibility of it) struggling to make words of 7 letters teaching the Americans (and me) how to spell! We were towed back to camp, were a water fight was the order of the day, followed by copious amounts of Vodka and a further night game drive! Eagle eyed David in charge of the spot lamp! Mistaking Vodka induced trees for Lions, but we saw a lot and slept very well!

Early start and of to the Hippo Lodge for breakfast! We saw Hippo, but from a distance! Crocodiles sunbathing on rocks, it was all a bit "too Africa" for us, as we sped along to the northern tip of South Africa before our boarder crossing to Botswana the following Day! A very boozy night, Vodka and Malaria Tablets do not mix, as Erin discovered the following morning! Several sick stops for her as she lay across he seat not even looking out of the window! Erin did manage to raise her weak body to view the three elephants. Two of them were playing in a mud bath, squirting water over each other cooling of in the mid-day heat! Well you would, it was bloody hot!

It was just before the Botswana boarder crossing we met up with a new bunch of travelers that would be with us for the remaining 5 days! A Brazilian Australian called Kris, her hubby Mark (Australian), Dan another yank and two Frenchies, Jose and Marie Anne who could not speak English! Using Justin as the translator we soon found out that in the Frenchies bags was a hair dryer, high shoes and evening wear - they were not told (or they did not understand) that it was in fact a camping trip! But they decided that they could either enjoy it or complain! They took the first option and soon got into the swing of things, they even made jokes about the Leaches in the showers!

We camped on the edge of the Delta, an amazing vast wilderness crammed with Wildlife, the major difference between South Africa and Botswana was the fact that you did not have to be in a National Park to view game! It was everywhere, although, instead of Impala, it was the Donkeys turn! We counted 370 (we were told we had to) from the boarder to the camp itself. Elephant, Giraffe (now getting boarded with these two) were in abundance! The Night was ok, of course, we were in fear of the earlier spotted scorpions, and we checked sleeping bags before we got in them, and of course, our shoes the following morning!

And so onto Zambia! Driving through Ostrich, more Giraffe, Elephants etc, we finally reached the boarder crossing between Botswana and Zambia! We got our first glance of the mighty Zambezi. As we stood waiting to cross the 5-minute ferry ride we glanced at 4 different countries. Namibia to our left, Zambia ahead and Zimbabwe to the right of us, we looked at our feet and there was Botswana - an amazing feeling. We had to wait for quite a while, the ferry could only take one truck, and up to four cars. This was after all Africa and not Dover, as there was just the one ferry going to and from each country. As much as this vessel looked 500 times worse then the Herald of Free Enterprise, we got to the other side dryer. And unlike Dover-Calais, we were viewing yet more Hippos from a distance.

After some bureaucracy, we made it into Zambia and it was off to the Town of Livingstone. Dr Livingstone I presume! This was really Africa! Children running after the vans waving laughing and smiling, we just looked at the in disgust of course, and wondered how safe we would be. Pulled into the Grotto Backpackers, this was home for the next two nights. Maybe they had miss-spelt the name of the place, by replacing the "O" with a "Y" would have me more appropriate. It was rather Grotty, but it did have a bar, and Stuart (not a very typical Zambian name one would have thought) the barman and I were soon on first name terms!

A booze cruise was this evenings entertainment, all you can eat and drink! A far cry from the JW Marriott here in Dubai, but never the less plenty of booze and sailing down the Zambezi at the time, takes some beating! Our first kind of view of Victoria Falls, well the spray charging through the sky anyway, we were not far away! A further sighting of Hippo, only we were even closer, camera's out we got closer and closer. Finally, so close you could almost touch them, 10 of them, all wallowing around in the water. What we thought was yawning for us, we later found out was an early warning that they were none to happy with our presence. Now there is nothing worse then a bunch of unhappy hippo. We also discovered at this point that Hippo have taken more human lives than any other animal in Africa! Mmm thanks for the advice, a little too late though!

Onto the Zimbabwean side of the Zambezi, we passed the African Queen, a splendid vessel, with wicker chairs and people in evening wear, oh how the Frenchies, Justin and myself looked at them thinking we should be there! But we weren't and we were hanging fun with a capital "F". So what to do in a situation like this, we stood on the side of our rather grotty looking ship (next to theirs anyway) slid down our shorts, and flashed them our bottoms! There were a few startled looking faces, but apparently a few camera flashes too!

Sunset was incredible! This must have been the best day so far, I managed to take 5 rolls of film (I have come back with 17 to develop) but I did take 33 pictures of the Hippos. A few more beers and it was off to bed as tomorrow was the "Big One".

45 of us assembled at the Grotto. Some were nervous, others trying to be really manly. We were going to White Water Raft the Zambezi! And oh did we! After walking around the Falls and getting absolutely drenched from the spray alone, the sheer size of the falls was hard to take in. Spanning from Zimbabwe to Zambia - massive! We hurled ourselves back into the truck and then headed off, driving through typical mud hut villages to the top of the gorge. It was a long way down, after being briefed on how to remain in the raft (we knew we weren't) we climbed down the trail! Now, I may not be as attractive as Justin, but at least I have the ability to walk!

Our last fag at the bottom, as 45 pairs of legs shook like jelly from the climb down. We adorned our life jackets and plastic helmets. Oh how attractive we all looked. Hardly the action man I had hoped for, instead, I think I looked like a Hippo in a baby's bonnet. But how Justin had the nerve to laugh at me in mine!

We boarded the rafts and it was off, the original six in ours, with "Art" the mad guide, intent on us all getting drowned - maybe they were all on commission. After all, the fewer that arrive back, meant more beer for those that survived!

The first rapid was a biggie. We seamed to swirl around in it for ages, but we all managed to stay on! Not that we did for the whole journey mind! We were soon flipping, and clinging on for dear life! Which was all fine, until we saw Crocodile at the side of the river, sunbathing! Oh how we soon tried to get back into the raft!

Rock diving followed, jumping of cliffs into the Zambezi still wearing life jackets, so we knew we would soon bob back to the top of the water.

We soon arrived at the finish point, to be faced with what looked like a 15-mile horizontal walk to the top of the gorge! It had been on my mind since we got to the bottom - we have to get back up! I made it, and did not stop for a fag - they were wet anyway, and we had not had one by this stage for almost 5 hours! Imagine?

We made it to the top, beer awaited! What a welcome drink that was! All 45 of us headed back to the grotty Grotto and we were soon shown the video of the day's event! Of course, the majority of us were all sucked into paying the 30U$ for it - well you would wouldn't you?

It was our last night, Dev had managed to bribe some ranger 60 U$ to let us into the Falls at night. It was a full moon, and they say one of the best time to view them! Off we went, and oh how right he was! Pitch black, yet we were able to see rainbows reflecting in the moonlight! A magnificent sight indeed!

A few beers on our return to the Grotto and the swapping of address's and group photos were underway! It really had been a great trip! It was also the latest night we had encountered, as we had so many early starts, we were easily tired by 9pm, it was now three hours past our normal bedtime, and another early start for us all the following morning!

6am, and we were packing up our tents for the last time! Usual breakfast of cereal and warm milk and luke warm chicory - our last! We were dropped off on the bridge between Zambia and Zimbabwe, I am sure it has a name, but we'll just call it the bridge! Super girl Erin and Dan doing their Bungee Jump, Tom videoing the whole event, Sandra and Mario watching in amazement, Justin and I walking, heaving our big red bags to the Zimbabwe side! It was our last goodbye!

We both had to pay 65U$ for our entry visa, the first time ever it did not help to have British Passports! We queued with all the locals, and walked through iron gates into Zimbabwe! Into a taxi, after long negotiations as to the fare, we agreed 2U$ for a ride in a car straight off a scrap heap! A spot of shopping in Victoria Falls town, this was the first time we had seen proper tourist shops - curio markets a plenty - this was not the Africa we had got used to!

A second taxi to the Airport - this one much better, it had windows and a front seat! And it was onto British Airways down to Johannesburg! "Drink Sir?" asked the stewardess! "Vodka Coke please" was my reply! Oh how we just stared at it, there it was presented in a glass, with ice and a slice of lemon. A far cry from the warm coke, no ice or lemon served in a metal beaker we had become accustomed to! We were back! It felt good!

Landing into Johannesburg, our third country that day! We headed straight to the business lounge, more drinks with ice and lemon, but the best of all - warm showers, with fluffy towels and amenities! I stayed in there for ages! It was sheer bliss!

Boarding into Business Class, all we wanted was the international selection of cheeses off the cheese board, and the rice pudding, but did we see it? Did we heck, we were fast asleep, clean, stretched out and woke up in Dubai.

Would we go again? Would we! We are already planning the next one! The two of us now, keen on seeing Mozambique and Namibia, but maybe a few nights in Lodges, not of the cow dung variety!